The Exaggerated Acount Of Henry Gale
by BaguIsMyName
Summary: A first person story of Henry Gale, who he is, what he does and how he came to the island. There will be some small aperances from some main characters. And some revealing history of the island and it's secrets.


#Disclaimer#  
I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I own any rights to the television show "Lost". They were created by JJ Abrams and Damon Lindelof and they belong to them, Touchstone, and ABC.

**The (Slightly) Exaggerated Account of the (Real) Henry Gale; Who came to the island at some unknown point via a balloon and died of a broken neck and was buried; who Ben pretended to be in season 2, before we knew he was Ben (parody)**

**************

My name is Henry Gale, I live in Minnesota and I'm somewhere around forty-two years old, I can't tell you exactly because quite frankly; I don't know. My story doesn't go 'something' like this; it goes 'exactly' like this:

Once, about three years, or maybe four weeks ago, I got a letter in the mail to enter a sweepstakes competition to win a free satellite dish cleaning tool kit(There was a twenty-three page booklet that came with the sweepstake letter I received in the mail that fateful morning). I threw that letter in the trash, since I hate competitions. Eventually as I paged through the eight pieces of mail with delicate fingers I came to an interesting letter: It was sealed with a large, expensive, intricate wax thing. I looked at this letter with wide and intense eyes, scanning it slowly and carefully. When I saw who the letter was addressed from... my hands shook, the room began to spin, and my forehead broke out in a cold sweat. You know one of those deep, dark fears that creep up on you in the middle of the night when you hear a noise and you call out to your wife but she doesn't answer (and then you remember she left you eight years ago for a man who didn't smoke pot), and you start to hear things that aren't real and you see things that aren't there? This was nothing like that. I dropped the letter and ran into the bathroom. I made it, but barley. I remember that letter, falling slowly, the air keeping it afloat like a ship on the ocean. It was quite possibly the worst diarrhea I ever had.

Anyway, about an hour later I came out of the bathroom waving my newspaper up and down trying to get the overpowering stench out of my house (I had almost completed the entire crossword puzzle, which I was proud of. I was stuck on the clue for down 15: "Ain't no woman like the one I__ ". All I could think of was; 'still loved even after she ran off with my car', but it didn't fit in the space) when I realized a fan I had set on top of the Kitchen counter was turned on.... I saw it, but it was too late. The newspaper got sucked in the fan. In an instant the room was filled with an incomprehensible, unbridled, cacophonous din that literally made my dog glance over to see what happened for a moment. The newspaper was scattered all over the floor, in a disarray of pieces. The sections were all out of order. I bent down to pick up the mess when I saw it: ...in the newspaper, a continuous sentence of words formed; spread through out separate pieces not related to each other:

YOUR DESTINY IS THE ISLAND

I looked up into the pale light coming in through my kitchen window. _What does this mean???? _I thought. _Could I be the Kwisatz Haderach? _(if you don't know what that means, that's good)I also saw this, but figured it didn't mean anything:

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US

After thinking about this for about four minutes, I stood up and glanced around my log cabin home casually. A clock on the wall said: 8:15. After thinking some more... I decided I wasn't interested in this and forgot about it. I was feeling kind of tired, I had the munchies and thought I would get my self some breakfast when the door to my bedroom opened up. A white man in his thirties with brown hair came out. He looked around and then angrily slapped his hand against the wall.

"This isn't Tunisia either, damn that wheel!"

He muttered and went back in my bedroom. (If you're curious I did check later; he wasn't in there. I figured this was just a result of the savage hangover I was currently enduring). I had some coffee and sat down to watch my high-definition plasma screen TV with digital cable and a satellite dish. 2,342 channels, plus sports packages and pay-per-view, and On Demand. I was watching some _Cooking with Julia Child: the Spy_ when some one hit my on the back of the head... and everything went black, I know because I could still see.

I awoke sixteen hours later with a pounding headache (added to my hangover which made this seem like some one had my head in a rusty vise and a crown of sharp thorns while they beat it with a reed stick) and a smear of spit on my shirt. I rubbed my head and gazed around groggily. Again I saw the newspaper on the floor with the words:

YOUR DESTINY IS THE ISLAND

Of course, I had walked over it; now it looked more like:

Y O R U DTIENYS ISS T HIE L NDA

This time I got up immediately and found my wallet, my car keys and my shot gun and went out the door. I wasn't going to risk ignoring a potentially dangerous if not serious omen from higher powers any more. Whoever it was that hit me over the head obviously had experience in hitting people over the head. And I didn't know where this 'island' was but I was just on a vacation to Cuba four days ago and I wasn't in the mood for another island. I got in my car and drove eastward, (as it turns out; I found out later whoever hit me over the head caused my brain to think backwards so I was actually going west; but that's not important) toward the sunset.

I was driving in my '42 Chrysler LeBaron listening to tunes on a transistor radio, when I passed a large farm. I was surprised to see a whole bunch of hot air balloons all over the place like a big hot air balloon festival of some sort. I loved balloons as a child and thought this would provide a nostalgic diversion away from my desultory excursion into the vast oblivion of the Minnesota wilderness. I turned into the place and stopped at a small toll booth; you had to pay to get in. It was four dollars for admission. I turned off my radio set to channel twenty-three. I leaned my head out the window causally to talk to the person selling the tickets.

"Excuse me, sir." I said as I handed him four dollars. "Could you tell me how far I am from route 42?"

"About eight miles that way." He pointed to the west (that was actually east).

"Can you tell me about what's going on here?"

"Sure; it's a hot air balloon festival. There's sixteen balloons here, anybody can ride anyone anytime; one will go up when it gets enough people, it's fifteen dollars for a ride, theirs a limit of eight people in a balloon, we're going to have twenty-three rides today... and the festival will last for four days."

"...Are you forgetting something?" I asked. The man looked confused and thought for a moment.

"...I have forty-two cents in my pocket!"

I drove through and enjoyed the scenery of the colorful balloons in front of the rolling hills and green pastures. I parked, got out of my car and looked around.

I was talking with a balloon owner when suddenly there was a loud screech of tiers, a crash and people yelling. I spun around on my slick black heels in dry mud. A black unmarked car pulled in and hit another parked car, he got out and was carrying a gun (man, that guy must have been a terrible driver). I knew right away this person was here for me. It was the person who hit me over the head, or at least he was with the person who hit me over the head... or he could've had nothing to do with that what-so-ever; but I didn't want to take any chances. There was no time to think, I tried hiding behind the balloon owner but he ran off as soon as he saw the gun. So I did the only thing I could do; stand motionless and stare idiotically at the bad guy as he approached. I saw some people getting into balloons so that's what I did. The man with the gun started coming after me. I got into a nearby balloon with a bunch of other people. We wanted to take off but there were more than eight people in the balloon, so after a short moment of decision some got out and sacrificed themselves for the rest of us. We took off but to my dread and horror the bad guy grabbed hold of the balloon's rope and hung on as we rose into the wild blue expanse. He started to climb.

It was then I realized I left my gun in my car. The bad guy was climbing and getting closer to us. We looked at each other for advice but didn't get any, and on top of all this my diarrhea was coming back.

Yes what a pickle I was in... It reminds me of a time I was in Las Vegas with my third wife and... oh yeah, sorry, never mind...

Anyway since I didn't have any kind of weapon I figured I could just throw the other people in the balloon at him to try and shake him off. It would've worked but after throwing two people over one of the remaining people punched me in the face and I was knocked out cold. Two other people jumped out after that, I guess they got scared.

Next thing I knew I was sitting up right on the floor of the balloon basket and the bad guy was sitting across from me. He was bloody and his head was kind of hanging down like he was dead. I rubbed my head again and tried to get to my senses. I went over to him and put my finger to his neck. There was no heartbeat. I presumed he was mostly dead. After inspecting his person I found sixteen dollars, a rail pass for train #815 and a hoyle playing card; the Joker. I put these things in my pocket and threw him over. It was then I realized the balloon was no longer over land. I was over the ocean! I watched the man's body splash in the water. A mass of killer whales immediately tore it to pieces. I took out my compass that hadn't worked since the time I beat it with a sledgehammer and stared off into the horizon as I flew east (that was actually west). Where I was headed I didn't know, but I felt ready to take on my destiny with a clean conscience (all right; clean since yesterday) where ever it might lead me.

A long time passed and I was still flying over the vast and radiant ocean. It seemed to stretch on forever. The wind was a cool silky blanket that caressed my senses through the tantalizing journey. At last I opened my telescope and looked through to be happily surprised as I saw an island. I remember thinking; _I always wanted to see an island. Ever since I found out I had short-term memory dementia; it was one of the things I wanted to do before I die._ As my balloon sailed closer I could see something through my telescope. It was white... no grey. It was... a statue. A very old statue I think. It must have been five stories high, or more. I kept peering through my telescope with eager anticipation. It looked like stone, a carving of a figure, a person staring off into sea. Its clothing reminded me of Roman gladiators. It was standing, barefoot, I noticed there were just four toes. The figure was holding up a large sign. The sign was made of gold, silver and three parts platinum. The sunlight shone off it like a golden mirror. The sign said:

THIS ISLAND WAS CREATED BY THE PEOPLE OF THE  
PLANET UULOD. WE HAVE BUILD THIS PLACE IN THE NAME  
OF PEACE AND EXPLORATION. THE ISLAND AND IT'S POWERS  
ARE INTENDED TO BE SHARED BY ALL AND HELP THOSE IN NEED.  
BUT BE WARNED: THOSE WHO DO NOT HAVE PEACEFUL  
INTENTIONS SHALL BE−

I quickly looked up from my telescope to realize I was now on top of the island. The statue was right in front of me! (I quit school after the ninth grade; I can't read very fast).

"AHHHHH!" I yelled.

It was only a few feet away now; there was no time to do anything.

The basket crashed into the head. I was thrown up and over board and screamed as I fell through the air. There was a loud crack. All I can remember is seeing the trees and ocean around me, plus the giant stone statue falling and crumbling into a million pieces. The sign remained in one piece however but when it hit the ground it bounced off into the ocean and was gone forever. Lucky for me some trees broke my fall, but when I landed, my head was buried in the sand. When I got up, all that was left standing of the beautiful statue was one leg and the foot with it's four toes.

I looked around franticly, nobody was around. The crash it made was so loud, I don't know how anyone could not have heard it. Oddly enough I didn't see the broken pieces of it anywhere −like they vanished mysteriously.

I sat on the windy beach and stared out at the sea. The sunlight shone down on... alright enough of that. I pondered over my current situation. My balloon was gone, my knife was gone, I was alone, I just busted a four story high stone statue with a wicker basket balloon, and I still had the munchies. ...I knelt down on the beach and cried. I was miserable. Never had I ever felt so lonely or depressed in my entire life. I looked at the ocean again. _I could do it._ I thought to myself._ I could kill myself... I could just jump in the ocean and drown. God knows I tried it before. Like the time I tried it with pills, shame I didn't know they were suppositories. _...........

As I was contemplating my suicide, I felt some thing brush against my shoulder. I turned around, startled to see there was a gorgeous, young, dark haired woman standing right aside of me (as if she just dropped out of the sky). She looked wet and dirty and was wearing torn and ripped clothing that looked like it was ready to fall off. She was staring down at me with beautiful bright green eyes.

"Hello Henry." She said

"Who are you?" I asked bewildered.

"I'm Kate."

"How do you know my name?"

"I don't know. ...maybe I'm psychic... or maybe you're dreaming." Then from out of the jungle, stepped two other women. One was tall and the other had an Australian accent. Both were young, blond, and wearing similar clothing to Kate's. They walked slowly up to us and they both greeted Kate.

"Who are they?" I asked.

"This is Shannon," Kate pointed to one, "and Claire." the other.

"Hello Henry." They both said simultaneously.

"........Wait....." I said, and then as Kate laid one finger on my shoulder and caressed it slowly she said;

"You know... If this _is_ a dream..." She said in a soft and seductive voice. "Then... you could have **anything** you want..."

At this point I realized the ridiculousness of the events of the past four hours; and seriously doubted my sanity. However, I liked the direction things were taking now so I decided to carry on as if this was normal.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked. Kate knelt down next to me.

"How wild is your imagination?"

"Well, my therapist once told me I had the wildest imagination he ever saw, of course it wasn't−"

Suddenly a group of men jumped out of the jungle behind us. We all turned around........

**(Chapter 4)  
****  
**Ben, Tom, and some other men dressed in plaid suits, all with guns came up to them. Ben said:

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

There was a moment of utter silence, not even crickets were heard. "...Spanish... from Monty-Python, you know... forget it." He looked toward seriously Tom and said: "Cuffs." Tom handed Ben a pair of hand cuffs. Ben walked over to Henry Gale and forced the hand cuffs on him. "Henry Gale, you're under arrest for possession, theft, insurance fraud and neglecting to pay a balloon ride fee."

"What?" Said Henry Gale. "Wait a minute..." Ben took Henry and started to walk away, he nodded to Tom. Tom pointed his gun over at the girls. When he saw who they were he looked confused.

"Kate? Claire? Shannon? What the hell are you three doing here? Your plane didn't crash yet!"

"Ummmmmm.......we were...... teleported here?" Kate Said. Richard stepped out from the jungle with some other men and when he saw the broken statue he looked over at Henry Gale. Tom and the others all came up to Richard.

"He broke my statue..." Said Richard quietly. Ben made Henry Gale kneel down in front of Richard and his men. The girls were being detained next to him.

"YOU BROKE MY GODDAMNED STATUE!!!!" Richard repeated, evidently a little angrier this time.

Henry Gale looked down at Richard, who happened to be barefoot, and saw there were only four toes on his right foot.

"You have four toes on your right foot." Henry said absent-mindedly and then looked up at him with a smile and a gleam in his eye. "...Some one is looking for you." Richard took Henry's head in his hands and after a short pause, snapped it, Sayid style, breaking his neck. Henry Gale slumped to the side.

"You know you should really work on your anger issues." Said Ben quietly to Richard. After that, the men got ready to take the other woman and go off into the jungle when a loud explosion erupted from behind them, followed by a loud ominous wail. Ben, Richard, Tom, Kate, Claire, Shannon, David, Four men in yellow hazmat suits, Kelvin Inman, Henry Gale's dead body, and a monkey plus 4 men and 8 children turned their heads toward the sound in shock and fear.

A tree was uprooted and flung into the air. The smoke monster reared up in front of them and prepared to attack.

"RUN AWAY!!!!" Ben shouted as he dashed away wildly. They all started running. Ben and the others dashed into the trees and sprinted out of sight. Kate and the other girls ran into the jungle, The men in hazmat suits scampered off in another direction, leaving Henry Gale's body, alone, lying motionless on the ground. The smoke monster came closer and hovered over the body.

But the body moved.  
His fingers flicked.  
He was still alive!  
Henry Gale reached his arm up and struggled. Slowly and with great difficulty he pulled out a piece of paper... then a pencil. He lifted his hand to write with all his might. The Smoke Monster seemed to watch intently.

AIN'T....... NO........... WOMAN........... LIKE......... THE ONE... I.....

GOT

The pencil dropped from his hand. The paper fluttered then flew away, carried by the wind.

The smoke monster lifted into the air and came down. It scooped up his body and struck in once against a tree, twice against the broken statue, and finally gave a brutal impact onto the ground. Henry Gale was dead.

The smoke monster drew back then paused. It remained hovering over the body like that for a long time. The 'head' slowly morphed into the shape of a mouth.

_Smoke Monster_: "....Wait a minute... that's not Mr. Eko, Crap!!!!" With out further notice the monster flew off and disappeared into the jungle.

**Epilogue**

"Why do I have to bury the body? It's always me. Ben do this, Ben do that. Yes Jacob? What do you need now Jacob? Anything for you Jacob. Never question Jacob.... Sometimes, I swear to God..." Ben wiped the sweat from his forehead and set his shovel down for a moment of rest. He was standing in front of a four foot deep hole in the ground. Henry Gale's body was laying aside of him. He knelt down and looked through the pockets of Henry Gale's coat. He found a wallet, his passport, and a few papers that were useless except one. One was very interesting indeed. It was folded, he opened it. In some old kind of ink, hand-written were these words:

Dear Dorothy,

Something has gone horribly wrong. I followed the directions you told me, but I don't think I ended up in Emerald City. I did find a strange island though, and a wizard... at least I think he's a wizard. He hides in a creaky old cabin and speaks in a deep scary voice (it sounds awfully familiar though). He said I could have one wish. So I wished that my wife would be cured of her infertility so she could get pregnant and we could finally have children. He said he could grant my wish, but only at a price. A very hefty price. But I wouldn't worry Dorothy, you know, the universe has a way of... course correcting itself. I'm sure everything will be fine. And remember: I'll always love you.

Your Uncle, Henry Gale


End file.
